I haven’t even gone inside the building yet. I haven’t even started working and I already just want my day to be over.
I really don’t want to work today.
i can’t be the only one who sees the “Ynot” commercials, or whatever, for smoking and gets so irritated I just want to do the exact opposite of what theyre saying.
like the “DON’T TAKE SMOKING SELFIES” bullshit.
excuse me while I go light up and then take a picture…
When your heart hurts as if its sad and its telling you something is about to happen, but you don’t know what and it (obviously) can’t tell you. You just have this sense of doom/sadness hanging over your head and you can’t shake it, or talk yourself out of it.
Nothing has happened yet.
Something might not even happen later.
I just hate this feeling.
Is when you don’t really want it, but you know you need it.
When you get it at the worst possible time and it just piles onto everything else you have weighing you down.
When it breaks through the pleasant numb you’ve thrown yourself into because, hey, that’s just your natural coping mechanism. Then, you hate the closure because you just can’t seem to throw yourself back into it.
I needed it
But I didn’t want it.
I wanted to live in my own delusion just a little longer, just until something got a little better.
It just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth now.
3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
I personally prefer boys, since I grew up with a lot of boys I consider to be like brothers. I just mesh better with them.
6. How do you look right now?
Like shit :D
18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect?
Yeah, it happened pretty recently haha. Oh well, c’est la vie.
35. Did you dream last night?
I did, I just don’t remember it now. It must have been really good because I really didn’t want to wake this morning.
42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
No, not at all. Some aspects are better then before, some are worse. I’m just trying to work through some things.
The other day one of my openers mentioned it to me because my coworker came through my drive thru on his way to his other job.
I apparently tutted at him for having bags in his car and then threw them away for him. Then, after handing him his food I smiled and said,
“Have a good day at work, I love you”
And she just laughed and was like
“Wow, you’re just like a mom! You handed him his bag lunch and told him to have a good day in such a caring way”
And I just laughed and said,
“Yeah…what can I say? I love my kids”
And then went on with my day.
Then, today, I went and got my kids drinks that were doing truck outside (its way too hot and the only thing they’re going to drink here is tea). Then my favorite came up and I literally was like
“Be good today, Maria is in a bad mood. Stay clear and you’ll be fine… make sure you spit out that gum. You can’t have it in drive thru, you know better. Button up your shirt all the way.”
And then as he was walking in I yelled back
“Swannie! You’re forgetting your hat!” And he just sighed and went back to his car and grabbed it.
It was funny cuz the whole time I was lecturing him he was just like
“Ohkay Amanda. Ammaaannndaaa. Alright. I got you,Amanda” like a kid would to their mom. Then I just laughed and was like
“I love you”
And he said it back. Mostly because my kids know if I bother to say I love you to them, they have to say it back. I expect it back. The ones I say it to I’ve known long enough for them to accept it and say it back.
I kinda feel bad for my future children haha!
I need a boyfriend for overly shallow reasons.
I don’t really want love. I’m IN love, I don’t need that.
What I need is someone to come drive me around when I’m shitfaced so we can laugh together and listen to loud music.
I need someone to come at times like now where the thunder is causing my skin to crawl. I need someone to come cuddle me with a horror movie and soothe me everytime I jump.
I just need someone to cuddle with at night when I’m sad and alone.
These aren’t good reasons to want a boyfriend/girlfriend… but they’re all I can think of.